THE TOON 4 SPORZ 0 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 14th April 2024

"APRIL FOOLS --- AGAIN!"

Havin lost at SJP 6-1 last April it woz highly unlikely that another Sporz hammerin would happen this April!--How wrang we were!

In the orly perid of the game wor visitors had 2 great chances to take the lead at The Gallowgate End but spurned their chances! (sic!)

After this it woz aall NUFC az we pulverised the Leazes goal and the breakthrough came on the half hour mark when Anthony Gordon won the baall off a Sporz defender and threaded a great through baall to 'Alexander the Great' (Isak) who jinked past a defender to hit a right footed shot into the corner of the net! 1-0 to us!

Just 90 seconds later we doubled wor lead when a Pedro back pass missstayk fell nicely to Gordon in the box and he beat a defender to hit a sweet right shot past Vicario in the Sporz goal! 2-0 to us!

The second half woz just the same az The Toon attacked the Gallowgate goal and it woz soon 3-0 from Isak who received a fantastic lob from Bruno and raced through from the halfway line to hit a great right footed shot past Vicario to iffectivleee win the 3 points! 3-0 to us!

At this point most of the 3,000 Sporz fans in level 7 of The Leazes End departed to (no doubt) catch the forst train back to King's Cross in London!

Krafth then hit the post before the final icing on the cake came from ''Fab' Schar who rose above the Sporz defence to heed home from a Gordon corner kick! 4-0 to us full time!

The result meeenz that Sporz have conceded TEN goals against us in 2 consecutive Aprils----April fools for certain!

Attendance: 52,206 (3,000 very quiet Sporz fans!---just 1,000 at 'the death')

*NICE HEED ON MEE PINT!"

Post match drinx in 'The Gunner' near Central station!----Nee Sporz fans in here! (Wonder if the bar name iz the reason?)

Results ower the weekend meeen we stay in 6th place with 6 games to gan!---The lowest position we can now finish iz 14th and the highest iz a very improbable 4th place! 

THE TOON v SPORZ *** TOMORROW DINNAATIME!

 Posted '2:30pm bells' Friday 12th April 2024

VIEW OF SJP FROM THE ROOF OF HADRIANS TOWER-- THE TAALLEST BUILDIN' IN THE TOON (PHOTO TAKEN BY 'WOR LASS'!)

We heed into the final 7 games of the season with a home game against Sporz in a '12:30 bells' kick off for the benefit of the tellywatchers on TNT!

Joe Willock iz unlikely to play az he haz a 'knock' and Lewis Haall iz also a doubt! It iz vital that we get at least one point oot of the game, but with the injuries we have it will be tough against a Sporz side hopin to qualify for The Champions Leegue!

In wor case its a chase for a Europa Leeage or Conference place and 7th position shud dee it! (We are currently in 8th position---just 2 behind Moan U in 6th!--and 1 point behind The Jellied Eels Mob in 7th---but we have a far superior goal difference to both!)

Honestleeee! It's a miracle that we are within touchin distance of Europe, with at least 11 key players still oot! 

One peeece of great news we can bring yoo, iz that Joelinton haz signed a new lang torm deal! (He’s one of the injured—-of course!)

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Sunday----Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

As wonder wot ‘event’ they meeen???🤔

RONNY (THE) HUNTER RIP

 Posted '12:35pm bells' Wedinzday 10th April 2024

It iz with great sadness that we hear that 'Big Ronny' from Blakelaw haz passed away!

Ronny used to gan to the away games with me and the lads in the 70s and 80s and had a season ticket until the early 2000s!

He sat beside me in The Milburn Stand when it opened in 1988---Then in 2000 they built an extention and we moved to level 7----The forst game we went to in the upper tier we had to climb nearly 200 stairs to get to wor seats----In the days when anly disabled fans could use the lifts (anybody can use them now!)

He woz a big lad and woz knackered by the climb and said he would have to get a seat in the lower tier because of this!----So we moved to The Leazes corner!

Because of hiz job commitments he couldnt gan to many games and didnt renew a few seasons later!---I'd kept my seat in level 7 and moved back az it woz a much better view! (The seat I still sit in) 

Unfortunatlly Ronny's health deteriated and he sadly passed away last week!----Another Toon fan gone----Lost but not forgotten!

RIP BIG RONNY

THE COTTAGE PIE BRIGADE 0. THE TOON 1 **** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted from ‘10:40am bells 🔔’ onwards, on the train from King’s Cross to The Toon

£3,000 FOR A SEASON TICKET IN THE RIVERSIDE STAND ON THE LEFT!🥶

Put it simply, yoo cannit celebrate a goal like yoo used to coz VAR might get involved and disallow it!

And that’s exactly wot happened yesterday when a perfectly good goal by Fab Schar woz ruled oot, az Dan Burn woz alleged to have pushed a Fulim player in the box in the 75th minute

Then a few minutes later Bruno hit a rocket from ootside the box through a crowd of players to finally put us 1-0 up—-or had he???

Personally aa didn’t celebrate that goal az much az Schar’s disallowed goal— just in case!

SPOT THE COTTAGE?

(While NUFC fans were charged a maximum £30---Fulim fans on the far side of the same Putney End stand were charged £71 !)

It wasn’t until Fulim restarted the game from the centre spot that aa finally celebrated with joy!

The first half woz aall Fulim and they had 3 great chances to take the lead, while wor anly chance came from Anthony Gordon who fired just wide at the opposite Hammersmith End to where we were!

THE TOON ARE IN WOR DARK BLUE AND YELLOW STRIP!

Gettin back to the 2nd half ---an amazing NINE minutes stoppage time woz added az the home side pressed for the equaliser—-actually, ELEVEN minutes were added!!!

That’s 101 minutes in total!—We survived the Fulim onslaught too take the valuable 3 points in wor quest for european futbaall again, az The Toon fan’s celebrated wildly at the final whistle!

TOON FANS WHEN THE FINAL WHISTLE BLEW!

(Some fans had to leave well before the end to catch the last train back at a ridiculous’6:00 bells’, coz of the train strike with later trains cancelled and they missed the winnin goal!)

Attendance:24,416 (2,300 Toon fans in The Putney End)

We were booked on the ‘9:00bells’ train but it woz cancelled, so we ended up stayin at a hotel near King’s Cross ❎ at an extra £65 each on top of the £100 (and 10 pence!) retorn train fare!

It ain’t cheap to follow NUFC away!

LONDON PUB CRAWL PIX!

PRESIDENT HOTEL BAR  LONDON

PS: CONGRATULATIONS TO THE OTHER TYNESIDE BLACK N WHITES —GATESHEED FC, WHO HAVE BOOKED A TRIP TO WEMBLEY IN THE FA TROPHY FINAL AT WEMBLEY NEXT MONTH BY BEATIN MACCLESFEEELD IN THE SEMIS 2-1!

“HOWAY THE HEEDBANGERS!”

🤪👍🏁

THE COTTAGE PIE BRIGADE v THE TOON *** TOMORROW AFTERNOOON

 Posted '2:13pm bells' Friday 5th April 2024

UNDER THE PRICE CAP, AWAY FANS CAN ANLY BE CHARGED A MAXIMUM OF £30

FULIM FANS IN THE SAME STAND HAVE TO PAY £71 FOR THE SAME BEHIND THE GOAL VIEW!---GOD NAAZ WOT WILL HAPPEN WHEN THE PRICE CAP ENDS AT THE END OF NEXT SEASON???

We are off on wor travels to west London for the 4th time this season and 2nd time to Craven Cottage, where we won 2-0 in the FA Cup 4th roond 2 months ago!

It's an unusual '3:00 bells' away kick off---anly the SECOND time this season that we kick off at that time away from home (Luton woz the othaa one!)

The plan woz to get the '8:00am bells' train doon and the '9:00pm bells' train back ---BUT!---az the case haz been many many times before, theres yet anothaa train strike and the last LNER train back direct to The Toon tomorrow iz at 'SIX pm bells'!!! (The Lumo train iz fully booked!)

There iz a later LNER train, but it anly gans az far az Donny (Doncaster) which iz aboot 120 miles south of the Tyne!

This meeenz that yet again we must stop owerneet near Euston at £64 each!---with NEE brekky included in the price!

And divvint ask us just wot the team line up wll be???--with aall the injuries we can name a non startin X1 with crocked players!

The anly certainty iz that Anthony Gordon will play (God willin!🙏) after hiz suspension against Evaatin!

A Geordie Times match report on the game will be done on mee mobile telling bone on the train back on Sunday---so expect plenty of misstayks az the train jolts up the track!

Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

THE TOON 1. THE TOFFEE NOSES 1 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted ‘1:00pm bells’ Wedinzday  3rd April 2024

“DUMMER AND DUMMER!”

On Saturday we won a game we thought we’d lost and last neet we drew a game we thought we’d won!

Evaatin hadn’t won a Premyaa Leegue game since before Xmas and so it looked like an easy 3 points in wor quest for Europe!

NUFC started off well az we attacked the Leazes End and we took the lead in the. 15th minute when Isak received the baall from Harvey Barnes, he beat one defender and coolly placed the baall into the back of the net with mackem miscreant Pickford well beaten!

It haz to be said that Pickford made crucial saves after this to keep the score at 1-0 by half time!

Of course if you’re anly one goal aheed and have aall guns blazin, it just takes one chance for a poor team like Evaatin to grab an equaluser!

After Isak, Barnes, Murphy and Bruno missed glorious chances to put the game beyond doubt, Dan Burn scored but VAR said he woz offside and the goal woz disallowed!—An Evaatin defender (can’t remember who?) hit his own post—It just wasn’t wor day!

And then the sting in the tail! Lewis Hall went off injured in the 79th minute and woz replaced by Paul Dummett who had played less than 5minutes in the last 2 years----and it took him just 9 minutes to grab Evaatin’s  Ashley Young roond the neck in the box, but play continued az we attacked the Gallowgate goal!—-we’d got away with it!---BUT!---aall of a sudden VAR got involved and eventually a penalty at The Leazes End woz given to wor visitors!

Calvin-Lewin took it and aalthough Toon goalie Debravka got a hand to it, it ended up in the back of the net with full time approachin!

10 mins stoppage time woz added, but to nee avail and two points were dropped by the dum decision by Dummett to grab Ashley Young when there woz nee danger at aall!

The result keeps us in 8th place, just ootside the European places, when we could have been 7th had we won!

Evaatin have now went 13 games without a win— Their worst run in the Premyaa Leegue!

Attendance: 52,135 (3,200 Toffee Noses)

THE TOON V THE TOFFEE NOSES.*** TOONEET!

 Posted ‘high noon bells’ Tuesday 2nd April 2024

THE GALLOWGATE END FROM STRAWBERRY 🍓 LANE

The Toon play wor 2nd home game in 4 days when we take on relegation threatened Evaatin at SJP at ‘7:30 bells 🔔’!

Wor memorable 4-3 win after bein 3-1 doon at the weekend proves that unlike under Brucey we didn’t give up!  

On the less memorable side Lascelles haz ruptured his ACL in his left knee and will be oot for a minimum of 6 months—The same injury az Botman haz got!  Almiron aalso went off with a leg injury v West Ham az wor injury list gets even langer!

Livramento, Lewis Miley, Joelinton, Callum Wilson, Targett, The Pope Krafth and possibly Trippier—the list iz endless and of course Anthony Gordon iz suspended for the game tooneet against his old club and Tonali (remember him?) cannit play til next season coz of his gamblin ban!—Somehow we are 8th in the table and could climb even forthaa shud we win!?

A full Geordie Times match report will appear here sometime on Wedinzday----Az per usual---"Watch this space!"

52nd ANNIVERSARY TODAY!---"APRIL FOOL!---THE JUDGE IZ A GEORDIE!"

Posted '6:30pm bells' April Fools Day 2024

BRAMALL LANE IN 1972

On 'April Fools Day' 52 years ago, NUFC visited Bramall Lane in 'The Battle Of Sheffield 1972'
And a report from that day, which starred Toon fan 'Daft Tommy', iz reprinted below in the Geordie Times archive! (ground number 022)

PS: Sadly, 'Daft Tommy' iz nee langer with us! 

RIP Tommy

022 bramall lane sheffield

(GROUND NUMBER 22)
Date of First Visit: APRIL FOOLS DAY! 1972
BRAMALL LANE, SHEFFIELD

SHEFFIELD UNITED 1
NEWCASTLE UNITED 0

(OLD) DIVISION ONE
ATTENDANCE: 28,103 (4,000 Toon fans)





Part One:
"APRIL FOOL!---THE JUDGE IZ A GEORDIE!"

The forst thing that springs to mind aboot this place, is!---- 'The Crystal Rooms', which was (and probably still is) a 'One Armed Bandit' arcade in the centre of Sheffield, as this is where the Toon and the Sheff. 'U' radgies had massive fights in 1972, before and after the match!

Hundreds had travelled doon on the train and many of the 'Leazes End Boot Boys' had simply 'come for a fight', dressed in their 'Prince of Wales' suits, slack braces and the obligatory 'Doc Marten Boots' ---and they were'nt to be disappointed!




As soon as they got off the train they made for the main drinkin' area and marched doon the middle of the road shoutin', "Your' gonna get your' f*****' heads kicked in!" as they made for where they knew the Sheffield 'crew' would be.---and sure enough, they were!---and ready for a 'go' as well!



Before lang, runnin' battles doon the streets between the rival fans ensued with innocent shoppers gettin' caught up in the middle as bottles, bricks and plant pots nicked from a gardenin' shop were hurled (still with the plants inside!) as fans fought each other.




'The Sheffield Dibble' torned up with several 'meat wagons' and 'The Flyin' Squad' collered anybody who looked remotely like a skinheed. (not me, aa hasten to add!—as mee hair was doon mee back at that time!---'Led Zeppelin style'!)


Dustbins and litter bins were hoyed through the plate glass windows by the Newcastle 'nutters', and there were runnin' battles through the streets!




This sent the fans of both sides scatterin' and after a few 'Arthur Scargills' in a sleazy dive we foond, it was time to gan to Bramall Lane. The Toon fans had infiltrated the 'Shoreham End', which was the Sheffield skinheed's 'hard end' at the time, and sporadic fightin' broke oot between the rival fans.


Some of the more sensible Toon fans (alas---not me!) who'd went in the opposite end, were gettin' slagged off by the 'Shoreham Invaders' for 'chickenin' oot' of the 'pagger'.
Aa of course, went with the 'radgie gadgies', (like a lamb to the slaughter!) (bravado---or what?) and stood at the back of the stand with mee black 'n' white scarf on, thinkin' that aat any minute aa would get mee 'heed caved in' as it soon became obvious that we were ootnumbered by wor Sheffield counterparts by aboot fower tih one!




And before lang it 'kicked off'---NOT! the match you understand!, but the fightin' as the 'brave' ootnumbered 'Leazes Enders' charged into the middle of the Shoreham End! (they did have their 'reputations' to think aboot!) led by 'one' 'Doddsy' in his 'trademark' white 'butchers coat' complete with a huge Doc Marten boot crudely drawn in felt tip pen on the back, with: 'LEAZES END BOOT BOYS', written above it! (he has been mentioned before!)

Loads of Toon and 'Blades' fans got 'lifted' by the Yorkshire 'Dibbles', so aa kept mee heed doon, as ah did'nt fancy bed 'n' breakfast in the 'Dibble Savoy'! (or worse still!—'The Sheffield Royal Infirmary'!)




As the 'propa' match kicked off, there was still 'beadlem' in front of iz, and it was hard to concentrate on the action on the field, instead of the 'action' on the terraces!.

Bramall Lane was a three sided groond back then, with a cricket pitch on the far side, and this totally killed the atmosphere. (Just how the fans on that side could see, withoot a pair of binoculars---is beyond me!)

The Toon were by far the better team that day, with John Tudor and 'Supermac' gannin close on several occasions.

Tony Green and Tommy Gibb had blinders,---BUT!,---it was tih nee avail, and Sheffield took the points with just fower minutes tih gan, when Ford (who'd just came on as a late sub) beat Toon keeper Willie McFaul, with his forst touch off the baall! (which was aalso 'The Blades' forst shot of the game!)





Newcastle manager, 'Smokin' Joe Harvey, (who could'nt believe that wi'd lost!) summed it up after the match, when he said:

"IT'S NOT APRIL FOOLS DAY?---IS IT"???"WELL!----ACTUALLY!!-----JOE!!!"












Part Two:-----(A few weeks later!)




♫OH!-MEE LADS-YIH SHOULD'IV SEEN US GANNIN!♫

scene from The Blaydon Races 1862

One Toon fan who'd been arrested after the match at 'The Crystal Rooms', was a lad caalled 'Daft Tommy', who's, name implies—IS!----as 'Daft as a Brush'!, but tih be honest would'nt (and could'nt) harm a fly or punch hiz way oot of a paper bag!.

Tommy had been caught up in 'The battle of Sheffield' after the match and was nicked and charged with bein' 'drunk and dizzy', which is an offence that yih can plead guilty tee, by letter.






Quite a few had been charged with more serious offences like GBH and affray and HAD to appear personally in court. So!---on the day of the court cases a few weeks after the match, the train was 'chocker' with fans travellin' doon tih Sheffield on charges of affray and 'god naa's what'!.

Then---aall of a sudden, 'Daft Tommy' appeared and jumped on the train. The other Toon fans just stared at him, coz they could'nt work oot what he was deein there!?.






"A THOUGHT YIH WERE PLEADIN' GUILTY BY LETTER, TOMMY?", one fan asked him, with a puzzled look on his face!.

"I AM!", said Tommy, "A'V GOT THE LETTER IN MEE POCKET!!!", he said az he pulled the 'said' letter from hiz 'nanny goat'!

("There's nee answer tih that one!??-------
IS THERE"!???)



"
On their arrival in Sheffield, they heeded straight for the court hoose, where one joker said:
"THE JUDGE IS A GEORDIE, TOMMY!---IF YIH SING THE 'BLAYDON RACES' TO HIM WHEN YIH GAN IN THE DOCK, HE'LL LET YIH OFF!".

SO!---'Daft Tommy' gave the judge a rendition of the 'Geordie National Anthem'-----------
AND GOT FINED 300 quid! FOR CONTEMPT OF COURT!!! (A considerable sum in 1972!)

(There's DEFINITELY! nee answer tih THAT ONE!?????)





Footnote:
Tommy's 'claim tih fame', is that he used tih stand on one of the concrete crash barriers in the middle of the aad 'Gallowgate End', and give the crowd a rendition of the early 'sixties classic', 'LITTLE WHITE BULL!'

Geordie Glossary of Terms & Phrases (for the benefit of 'non Geordie' readers)
(as the words appear)

Toon fans=Newcastle supporters
forst=first
aboot=about
one armed bandit=gambling fruit machine
radgies=hooligans
doon=down
Leazes End Boot Boys=Newcastle hooligans
crew=hooligans
lang=long
the Sheffield dibble=the Sheffield police force
meat wagon=prison van
the flyin' squad=Sheffield police 'snatch squad'
collared=arrested
skinheed=skinhead
mee=my
hoyed=thrown
nutters=idiots
one-nowt=one-nil
Arthur Scargills=gargels=beers!
sleavy dive=run down pub
foond=found
gan=go
hard end=hooligans terrace
oot=out
pagger=fight
radgie gadgies=hooligan fans
heed caved in=head butted/punched
wor=our
tih=to
lang=long
lifted=arrested
Yorkshire dibbles=Yorkshire police force
dibble savoy=police cells
propa=proper
iz=me
groond=ground
withoot=without
gannin'=going
nee=no
fower=four
aalso=also
wi'd=we had
yih=you
should'iv=should have
caalled=called
drunk and dizzy=drunk and disorderly
tee=to
GBH=grevious bodily harm
chocker=full
doon=down
aall=all
coz=because
oot=out
deein'=doing
a'v=I have
nanny goat=coat
heeded=headed
court hoose=magestates court
yih=you
gan=go
aad=old

THE TOON 4 THE JELLIED EELS MOB OF WEST HAM 3 *** PREMYAA LEEGUE 2023-2024

 Posted from 'High Noon bells' onwards Easter Sunday 31st March 2024

"STAND UP IF YOUR 4-3 UP!"

A breathtakin game with a breathtakin finish started off with The Toon takin the lead from the penalty spot after just 3 minutes at The Leazes End when Anthony Gordon woz hacked doon in the box!---A very lenghy VAR check for offside took langer than the 3 minutes played, but eventually the spot kick woz given and up stepped 'Alexander the Great’ (Isak) to send the West Ham goalie the wrang way to put us 1-0 up!

ISAK PENALTY!

The events and goal sequences after this were az follows:

17th minute: After gannin doon a few mins orlier, Lascelles iz unable to continue and iz replaced by Krafth

21st minute: A through baall finds Antonio and he fires past Dubravka in The Toon goals to level things! 

1-1

45 plus 10! Schar iz penalised and iz lyin on the pitch with hiz heed in hiz hand, but the ref lets wor visitors take a quick free kick and Kudus hits a risin shot into the net to put them 2-1 up at the break!

The game actually went on for anothaa 2 minutes after protest from NUFC players who asked the ref ,just why the free kick woz allowed to take place with Schar on the deck???

The 2nd half started off badly az well when after just 3 minutes after the restart The Jellied Eels Mob increased their lead when Bowen woz put clean through and he made nee mistayk az he fired past Dubravka!

The West Ham fans then taunted us by singin: "Stand up if your 3-1 up!" and "Sit down if your 3-1 down!"

We looked oot on wor feet but Steady Eddie pulled off a master stroke in the 57th minute when he brung on a 'hat-trick' of players in the shape of Almiron, Hall and Anderson, but Almiron lasted just 10 minutes with a leg injury and woz replaced by Harvey Barnes!

77th minute: A 2nd penalty iz given to us when Gordon iz again fouled in the box and again Isak takes the spot kick to send their keeper the wrang way and reduce the deficiet to one goal!

ISAK 2nd PEN!

And then the drama when supersub Harvey Barnes recieves a pass from Isak and he cooly puts the baall through the keepers legs to level the score at 3-3 in the 83rd minute!

And then bedlam in the 90th minute when Barnes runs doon the East Stand wing, runs to just ootside the box and hits an unstoppable shot into the far corner of the net, to lift the roof off the Gallowgate End and unbelievebly put us 4-3 up!

WINNIN GOAL CELEBRATIONS!

Gordon got a 2nd yellow card for kickin the baall away in the 92nd minute, but the 10 men managed to hang on to win the game with 11 minutes stoppage time played!

The Toon fans were in good voice az we taunted the West Ham fans with chants of "STAND UP IF YOUR 4-3 UP!" in revenge for their '3-1 stand up' chant!🤪👍🏁

On the minus side, more injuries to key players!

Attendance: 52,199 (3,000 shell shocked Jellied Eels fans!)

(Jellied eels iz a favourite delicacy in the east end of London, where West Ham are from!)

THE END GAME!

 

View from high up in The Milburn Stand with The Black and White Bull in the distance on Barrack Road!

Happy fans leave the groond!

PS: In total 23 minutes stoppage time woz added—That’s ower half a half! A 113 minutes game!—RIDICULOUS!